Mama Hypochondria!
Marie Hoffman
Welcome, beautiful moms, to the club none of us asked to join: the "I'm Fine, But Am I Really?" Hypochondria Society. You know the rules: if you sneeze, it's not just allergies; it's probably a rare tropical disease you caught from the sandbox at the park. A mole on your leg appears to have grown by .03 millimeters so… cancer?? Here's the scoop on why, post-kids, your health becomes your new obsession.
- Mom’s a Google MD.
Suddenly, your previous disinterest in health has morphed into an insatiable hunger for all things medical. Remember when you barely knew what a spleen did? Now, you're an expert on everything from adenoids to lymphatic drainage. This transformation isn't surprising; when you're responsible for another tiny human's well-being, every sniffle feels like an alarm bell.
2. The "They Can't Survive Without Me" Syndrome.”
Let's face it, moms. Before kids, if you got sick, you might have taken a day off with Netflix and ice cream. Now? The thought of being bedridden sends you into a ten alarm panic, because,… “Who will cut the grapes into appropriately tiny, non-choking-hazard pieces?" or "Who will remember the 437 steps in the bedtime routine?" This fear of leaving your child's world even for a moment can amplify any health concern into a full blown life-or-death scenario.
3. Hormone hurricanes + sleep deprivation = crazy town 🤪
Pregnancy, childbirth and nursing can send you on a hormonal roller coaster. One minute you're riding high on oxytocin, the next you're plunging into cortisol chaos. Couple that with the inevitable sleepless nights, days, weeks, months (in my case years 🥺), and you’re suddenly a quasi crazy zombie woman. This motherhood mayhem can make you feel like your body and brain have been on a rock star level bender! In this state it’s easy to find yourself wondering if every ache, pain, lump and bump is some nightmarish cancer karma for those nights you ate nothing but nachos and ice cream.
4. Research Says, It's Not Just You.
Studies (like those you might find in the various medical journals you now read for fun) suggest that health related anxiety among moms of young children, is pretty common. According to the experts, a surge in responsibility, the ‘love like no other’ attachment to your mini-me and a plate tectonic level shift in identity, can all conspire to rob you of your waning sanity. This, for many a mama, manifests as 3am doom scrolling about the many ways you might meet your Maker.
5. The Survival Instincts Gone Wild.
Your primal instincts have kicked into overdrive. Where once you might have shrugged off a headache, you now imagine a brain tumor because, biologically, your body is programmed to ensure the survival of your offspring. This evolutionary trait, while useful in avoiding saber-tooth tigers, now translates into worrying about heart palpitations after consuming the 5 cups of coffee that you rely on to get through the day with your eyes open. My other half still makes fun of me for the night I “wrote my will” on my way into an ambulance.” In reality, it was a note telling my baby how much I love him. And yes, I thought I might not make it. Thank God, I’m here to tell my crazy stories… just know that you’re not alone.
6. The Social Media Echo Chamber:
Oh, social media! It can be like the world's biggest waiting room filled with worst-case scenarios. You've seen stories of moms who thought they had the flu but ended up losing all their limbs within hours of symptom onset. Suddenly, every sensation you experience has you wondering if your case will become the next viral (pun intended) post.
What to Do? Laugh, Learn, Leverage and Live
Laugh: Because if you can't laugh at yourself Googling "is it normal to have tingling in my pinkies and a walnut sized hemorrhoid after childbirth?", who can?
Learn: Understand that this fear is somewhat normal. Many mothers go through this, and it's okay to talk about it or even see a professional if the worry becomes overwhelming.
Leverage: Here comes the hard part… do what you know you should. I am a MAJOR offender in this department. I’ve spent years trudging around the same mountains over and over until suddenly, I take action and everything changes for the better. Leverage your ever growing knowledge around health and wellness to your advantage. When you’re making healthy choices consistently you know deep down you’re less likely to contract the earth shattering ailments you fear.
Live: Remember, while it's crucial to be vigilant and listen to your instincts, life is also about relaxing and enjoying moments, especially those that are fleeting with your children while they’re still actually little. Do your best to let go of the things that are beyond your control. Following this advice has saved me from a pit of panic many a time (with a lot of help from Proverbs 3:5-6 and Philippians 4:6-7). Your kids need you, of course, but they (and you) deserve a happy, balanced you— not a mama in the grips of unrelenting dread.
So here's to all the moms out there who've been choked by the hands of health worries. Stay connected to loved ones, take care of yourself and get help when you need it. I’ll close with a prayer that has helped me and countless others to navigate troubled waters such as these:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen